Hey. Here’s a Reason to Put Up a New Post Here July 4, 2008Posted by daveintexas in uh.
Today was the Belton Texas 4th of July Parade, one they’ve held for almost 100 years.
Last time I watched it (hey, it’s hot here in July) was when my youngest was on a float, waving at me).
Wanted to give you a little taste of small town Texas on the 4th. Without burnin AoS or IB bandwidth.
The Bell County courthouse, and waiting parade fans.
Leadoff Parade man, Sheriff Dan Smith.
Only a pimp in a New Orleans whorehouse would have pearl handled grips.
You always know when you’re downtown near the courthouse.
I did not know we had a Carnagie Museum
I don’t know. Girls on horseys.
You should have heard the standing O.
Manners. People kept the sidewalks clear.
Couple of old cowboys, who have seen more of these parades than I have
The band. This is My Country. I would have done Stars and Stripes, but hell, it’s hot out here.
The east side of the Bell County Courthouse
Memorial to Company I, 143rd, 36thID
A close up, for you fans of Ernie Pyle’s work..
Henry Waskow was a Corporal, before he became a Captain, and then he was lost to us.
Floats is floats. Also that car is hot.
Shriners. George Carlin was so wrong about them.
Heh. My dad used to do this, in 1967, tie up all our neighborhood kids wagons to the riding lawn mower and take us around the block.
This was my favorite float
Marines. OOORAH (came up from the crowd)
Water safety, from Unkie Sam and George.
Sammy… I played a wedding gig with him 2 years ago, he’s a pretty awesome drummer.
I didn’t even know we had them here
A very happy Independence Day, to y’all.
Asteroid named for George “Sulu” Takei October 3, 2007Posted by daveintexas in uh.
That’s nice I guess. It’s been done before.
The AP article says “asteroid belt”, but it’s really just an asteroid. I suppose that’s nitpicky of me to point it out. Some days you feel like picking nits.
Think your job sucks? March 8, 2007Posted by daveintexas in Current Events, uh.
Couple of posts over at IB about lousy jobs. If I wait long enough Michael will look them up for me so I don’t have to.
MASTURBATING an elephant in the cause of science isn’t an easy job – just ask wildlife expert Dr Thomas Hildebrandt.
Apparently some elephants in captivity need a little help getting in the mood before they mate. I guess dinner and a few drinks aren’t enough.
Just touching a jumbo penis – they measure more than 1.5metres when aroused – can have painful consequences as German scientist Dr Hildebrandt reveals.
Unlike Painless Paul, the dentist in M*A*S*H who was also having a little trouble in that department, I do not think I want to see Mr. Elephant’s junk when it’s angry. No no.
“When you touch an elephant there it starts to flick backwards and forwards and it’s so strong it can knock you off your feet. It’s such a strong movement.”
But you make a friend for life.
I remember an old Texas Monthly article in the 70s about the 10 worst jobs in Texas. One was a chicken sexer (or whatever word is used for a person who determines the gender of a chicken, which involved your thumb in a place you’d rather not put it. Top of the list was a highway traffic button gluer downer person.
Those really don’t sound so bad after all.
Metropamperin March 2, 2007Posted by daveintexas in uh.
I’m taking risks here. You guy goobers are going to pile on like nobody’s bidness.
I don’t care.
I feel good. Very good. I’ve decided my newest bestest mission in life is to convince you knuckleheads what the ladies already know.
Getting your hands and feet treated like this is good. Very good.
I will give you all the tactical, so you ain’t all fumbly like your humble correspondent, who took on the Lewis and Clark mantle, and checked dis shit out for you. You will go in like a pro.
Feet first. Big rolly bathtub thingy, full of soapy warm water. Jets spraying. Towels. If they are on their game you are sitting in a massage chair.
Choose Shiatsu. Just trust me.
There will be girly stuff all over the place. Man up and face it. Dim lights. Ivy. Candles and stuff. You can take it. You are a man and every girl there knows it.
Cause they are amazed at your manly manliness, that you can walk in there and say “I want a pedicure and I don’t care who knows it”.
You are going to get feel massaged, up to your kneecap. This does not suck. Lotions and oils. The little girl who rubbed my feet had teensy hands and I swear she could break a brick in her grip.
She will file your icky toenails. Down to smooth curves. She will take what we called a “rasp” in woodshop and grind away all your yucky calluses and bumps and stuff.
Shut up you bastards. This feels good.
She’ll finish it with another mind boggling massage, and a paraffin treatment. Dippin your tired sore feet in hot wax, three times.
That there is worth the price of poker.
Then the hands. I will freely admit, my problem is hangnails. Cause I don’t understand the cause and effect issue of cuticles.
It’s all about the cuticles boys. I have ignored my cuticles for 47 years.
Well no more. This is what you need to deal with cuticles.
When I saw this growing up, I thought it was a VC instrument of torture.
But no. When you soften and oil the fingers and toes, you can remove and push cuticles into submission.
Bend them to your will.
Guys. Guys. Put away your fears. You won’t become gay. Most of you.
I will do this once a month for as long as I can talk them into doing it.
It’s a good thing
Nissan. Van Halen. Retro.
I just love playing Michael Anthony’s bass riffs on this tune.
What is “funny”? January 27, 2007Posted by daveintexas in stuff, uh.
I’ve often been asked, since everyone loves my sense of humor, “Dave”? they say, that’s what they say, “what is ‘funny'”?
I think about the Brothers Karamazov and the timeless questions Dostoeyevsky poses about the essence of truth, the existence of God, and the nature of mercy and salvation. I’m particularly moved by Alyosha’s “speech by the stone”, which leaves to the reader these answers, and merely implores us to love one another and never forget Ilyusha.
That one always gets me.
Sometimes it tickles me that Samuel Clemens was born in Florida Missouri.
That’s pretty darn funny.
But if I had to pull it all together, be a “philostopher” as the late Frank Zappa called it, I’d probably say this is the heart and soul of humor.
Mel Brooks said “Tragedy is when I cut my little finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die”.
I think he’s full of shit, but I don’t have any movie credits so I’m willing to consider alternative points of view.
This one has everything. Raw oysters. Guns. Pathos.
More humor below the fold.