Other duties as required March 28, 2007Posted by daveintexas in Current Events, stuff.
There are many tasks relegated to the husband and father of teenage daughters. These are basic, simple for us to understand largely because they were our responsibilities as teenage boys growing up. We were trained early in life that mowing and basic yard work was going to be up to us, as was taking out the trash. We would be the ones who take care of vehicles and clean out the garage.
No big deal, I’m happy to do all those things and more.
There are however, unwritten responsibilities that may befall you if you, like me, happen to be married and have daughters. You will have to respond according to the exigencies of the service, as they say in the military. One of those will be procuring feminine hygiene products.
It’s simply unavoidable. You’ll be out and about, or going to the store to handle grocery acquisition, and you’ll be called upon to pick up a box of this or a package of that.
Now me, this sort of thing never bothered me. It’s not at all embarrassing, simply because it doesn’t have anything to do with me personally. Nobody thinks these things are for me, so it’s no big deal. I’m just a husband/dad taking care of a family need.
However I have to admit, until recently I simply could not grasp the concept of getting precisely the product that I was asked to get. The variety is overwhelming. Multiple brands and styles. Even if you wrote it down for me, if you misplaced one stinking word, I was lost.
Fellows know what I’m talking about. You walk to the appropriate aisle, and there it is. The Wall of Women Hygienic ProductsTM. There are literally thousands of them. Blue and white dominate the color scheme.
And fellows, you also know that for reasons known only to those of the fairer sex, one product alone does not meet the changing requirements of the moment. No, you seem to require more than one type/style/brand/size/capacity/fragrance with or without wings/spoilers/aelerons/flaps/10 degrees of left rudder/landing gear/spoilers. Why? I don’t know why. Hell, I don’t want to know why.
So how do I manage a 100% accuracy rating on requests? Simple. You cut the tag off the one you want, put it in my hand, pat me on the butt and send me on my way. All I have to do is play “all of these things are not like this other”. I’m golden.
I walk in and face The Wall, and there are 10 guys standing there. They are all on their cell phones, asking questions, like I used to do before we came up with this brilliant approach. They all look like morons too, repeating themselves and staring up and down, huffing and puffing and saying “I don’t see anything like that”.
Well, it’s there chumps. You just can’t find it. Me? I find the brand, isolate the type, check packaging, and count dots! Eureka! Right here, exactly what I need, exactly what I was told to get.
Gentlemen, I am happy to provide you this advice as a public service. You will impress your mate, and improve your looks. Others will observe you and say to themselves “now THAT guy knows what the hell he is doing, by golly”.
Can’t go wrong.
Unless they’re really out. Then go to Walgreen’s.