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I’m still dead July 24, 2006

Posted by daveintexas in terrorist hemorrhoids.


This place sucks.  I mean, it really really sucks.  I’m hot all the time.  Thirsty.  There’s no AC and no water. 

No virgins either.  Not one.  Not even any women as far as I can tell, just disembodied spirits screeching all the time about this eternal torture or that eternal torture, hell I can’t even make out what they’re saying, just that they never shut up.  It’s like “eeeeEEEEEEEYYYAAAAAAAAAARGH”! 

I’m sick of that shit.

And the DEMONS.  Oh they just won’t leave you alone.  They run around with their pitchforks 24 x 7, sticking you in the butt or jabbing you in the eye (that really hurts). 

And the damned eye ALWAYS grows back the next day.  Something tricky about that.

Oh, and every so often I just burst into flames for no reason.  Somebody told me it’s from getting too close to the smelly rocks.  But he was screaming so I dunno.  And there’s this one demon whose job apparently is to kick you in the nuts three times a day.  I hate that little bastard.

You know something?  I really hate this place.



1. geoff - July 24, 2006

Wait ’til Helen Thomas shows up.

2. daveintexas - July 24, 2006

oh crap.

3. elzbth - July 25, 2006

Helen Thomas does not die. She reported on the eruption at Mt. Vesuvius, the Black Plague, and the Inquisition.

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