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Stuff William Jefferson Said May 25, 2006

Posted by daveintexas in Current Events.

You have to be careful with Skinbad and his "suggestions", or somebody's gonna be scratching somewhere inappropriately in a few days.

But I liked his suggestion on this.  So, I placed my order with Amazon.com on Saturday, and found it on the porch this evening. 

Stuff William Jefferson Said, 1st Edition.

Leatherbound, of course.

I skipped through it randomly, when this one caught my eye:

"I clearly said, no bills larger than 100s and the serial numbers need to be non-sequential. What are you, ignorant?” *

I know I'm going to be going through this for a while, but here are some other good ones.

I said get me a truck, and get me some Guardsmen, and get me the hell to my damn house, now.  I don't care who's stuck on they roof, dammit every sumbitch in this parish is stuck on they damn roof.  You see the damn helicopters?

That is not money.  That is frozen halibut.  They look like that when you freeze em, they fish dammit.  Big damn fish.

Step down off Ways and Means?  When the people of the state of Louisiana need me Wayin and Meanin the mostest right now?  We're in a recovery, and I intend to recover every single goddam dollar promised to the people of Louisiana.

I'll step down Mrs. Speaker Pelosi, when your cheeks relax and let your shoulders down.  Stop that grinnin woman.

That judge declared war on the Constitution of the United States when he signed that illegal search warrant, and I will not sit idly by while the Executive Branch of the government siezes power illegally and, stop reading that shit.  Stop it right the hell now!  Give me that!

What do you mean the truck is stuck?  Does it have side-armor?  Is it too damn heavy?  Get rid of that crap, we gots some haulin to do.

Well, I'm runnin out of time.  I'll just leave it here on the counter.  Anyone else want to take a look?

* skinbad looked that one up



1. skinbad - May 25, 2006

I don’t really laugh out loud, but I do a mean GWB shoulder shake on occasion. Like now. Very, very sweet.

2. skinbad - May 25, 2006

I think this is Ace-worthy. If you won’t whore it to lauraw, I will.

3. skinbad - May 25, 2006

I wonder how many benjamins it would take to get that bitch McKinney to slap another pig. That’d get me off the damn front page.

4. Muslihoon - May 25, 2006

GWB shoulder shake

President Bush does a shoulder shake? What’s a shoulder shake?

5. skinbad - May 25, 2006

It’s a McDonald’s seasonal special when they have too many extra all-beef patties.

Actually, I meant when he laughs, his shoulders kind of jump up and down. His impersonators love to throw that into their acts.

6. skinbad - May 25, 2006

I see you FBI! Coming at me like a g*damn nincommotherf***inpoop!

7. Muslihoon - May 26, 2006

Ah! Thanks, skinbad! I’m clueless every now and then.

8. lauraw - May 26, 2006

I bought that book too, if only to have always at hand the quotation which so devastatingly invokes Patrick Henry:

“Give me Separation of Powers, or give me a running head start.”

Stuff William Jefferson Said, Ed. I

9. Dave in Texas - May 26, 2006

This book is full of quotational gold!

“I plan to go to the floor to vote tonight,” he said. “I plan to go to the floor to vote tomorrow. I plan to carry out my responsibilities here, as I have since the time that I’ve been here. I plan to go to the floor on Tuesday and alternate Thursdays. I also plan to go to the floor on Memorial Day and every day in June except weekends.

Not next Monday though, I’m busy that day”

10. Dave in Texas - May 26, 2006

“Well, I can’t talk about the facts of the matter, with respect to whether things look good or don’t look good, and therefore I won’t make a response to that, oh shit I just did”.

11. harrison - May 26, 2006

You gotta catch me first!

12. lauraw - May 26, 2006

“Freezing helps currency retain its freshness, color, and flavor. I was holding that for a friend. That’s not mine, and give it back.”

-Stuff William Jefferson Said, 1st Ed.

13. Dave in Texas - May 26, 2006

“I am tired of these muthaf#@&in FBI agents in this muthaf#@&in Congressional office”!

-Stuff William Jefferson Said, 1st. Ed.

14. skinbad - May 26, 2006

Commerce with all nations, alliance with none, (except those that slip me a satchel full of C-notes) should be our motto.

-Stuff William Jefferson Said, 1st. Ed.

15. skinbad - May 26, 2006

Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind or worried about The Man’s cheap-assed congressional pension and healthcare benefits.

-Stuff William Jefferson Said, 1st. Ed.

16. Knemon - May 26, 2006

“What’s a shoulder shake?”

You know – that weird convulsive thing he does with his shoulders after he cracks a joke. Normally accompanied by giggling.

17. Sean M. - May 26, 2006

“Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask if their bills are untraceable.”

18. lauraw - May 26, 2006

“A free people [claim] their rights as derived from the laws of nature, and the contents of my freezer are not a gift from The Man, they belong to me, and give them the F*%# back.”

-Stuff William Jefferson Said, 1st. Ed.

19. daveintexas - May 26, 2006

“Difference of opinion leads to enquiry, and enquiry to truth; and that, I am sure, is the ultimate and sincere object of us both. Of me for damn sure. We both value too much the freedom of opinion sanctioned by our Constitution, not to cherish its exercise even where in opposition to ourselves. Now git the hell outta my desk”!

– Stuff William Jefferson Said, 1st. Ed. Jefferson to Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert, May 25, 2006

20. daveintexas - May 26, 2006

“We are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead, nor to tolerate any misunderstanding, I’m sure you all git that cause the people of Louisiana will stand by me, so long as reason is left free to combat that shit. Put my shit back right now”.

– Stuff William Jefferson Said, 1st. Ed. Jefferson to Attorney General A. Gonzales, May 24, 2006

21. lauraw - May 26, 2006


– Stuff Zombie William Jefferson Said, 1st. Ed.

22. Muslihoon - May 26, 2006

Oy gevalt, lauraw. I remember that thread on Ace.

23. lauraw - May 26, 2006

Eh heh heh heh

24. Russ from Winterset - May 26, 2006


(page 327, Stuff William Jefferson Said, the adapted screenplay)

25. Shirley - May 27, 2006

You’re invited too. Please read my post from today. Don’t miss the comments. :)



26. Karen - May 27, 2006

Dave in Texas, you have brought a smile to my face today! Snort! I lived in Louisiana most of my years and it is always amusing to see the ‘splaining after the corruption is exposed.

27. LarryC - May 29, 2006

Hastert : Ladies and gentlemen of this press, The President’s attorney general would certainly want you to believe that his client accepted this money ten hours ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But, ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!

AG Gonzales:D**mit!
President Bush: What?
AG Gonzales:He’s using the Chewbacca Defense!!

Cochran: Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I’m a professional politican defending a major bribe taking politican, and I’m talkin’ about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you’re in that jury room deliberatin’ and conjugatin’ the Emancipation Proclamation, [approaches and softens] does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.

28. Jimmie - May 30, 2006

“Bitch set me up.”

No. Wait..that was from Stuff Marion Berry Said, Vol 2. My mistake.

Hold on. It seems it was from the Jefferson book, too. We appear to have a plaigarism situation on our hands here.

29. daveintexas - May 30, 2006

My favorite Marion Barry quote, was when he was running for re-election after the drug stuff, and a reporter said “are you worried about rumors that Jesse Jackson wants to run for Mayor of DC”? and he said “the only thing Jesse Jackson wants to run is his mouth”.

That is classic.

30. Dave in Texas » Yes, you can in fact execute a search warrant in the office of a Congressman despite what Dennis Hastert and Nancy Pelosi assert - July 10, 2006

[…] Stuff William Jefferson Said […]

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